Sunday, May 25, 2008

Games That Deserve Sequels

For many years I have thought of the games that deserve sequels, fortunately many such hopes have come true and the various sequels are coming within a year or two such as fallout 3 or Starcraft 2. Unfortunately many sequels to great games that deserve a sequel are not in open development (or any development for that matter). so without further ado:

the top four games that deserve a sequel

4 . Age of mythology- Age of mythology was and is a truly unique take on a rts, with all the mythological heroes and creatures it is a game for the nerd population to revel in. A sequel of this title could be easily made because the game is not story driven in the least, so even with a story that is the equivalent in depth and quality of the writing to a romance novel (a literary cheesy poof) the game would still be loved if it's game play lived up to the original.

3. Diablo 2- there is always room for this classic hack and slasher in my gamer heart, and it can be readily made into a sequel unlike many games

2. Chrono Trigger- this game is a jrpg, but despite this drawback It ranks among my favorite games of all time. Chrono Trigger's story centers around time travel and the end of the world but despite the contrived plot the games story telling is fresh. This game featured the best soundtrack of any jrpg ever conceived (and one of the best outside of jrpgs), it was also one of the first true rpgs to feature a semi-real time combat system and an early proponent of multiple endings. though making a sequel will be nigh on impossible due primarily to the multiple endings, in one the main character dies, in another the time traveling ship is destroyed. this makes it difficult for a sequel unless you abandon all previous conceptions of the story and make a freakish lurching monstrosity of contrived science fiction and illogical paradoxes. On the other hand a Remake would be just as readily accepted as the original.

1.Arcanum: of Steamworks and Magick Obscura- this game was truly a masterpiece, from the epic storyline, excellent dialogue writing (even though the amount of dialogue was on the meager side), and the mournful song of a string quartet paying over your character's trek though the steampunk-high fantasy world of Arcanum. Though you could not truly sequel the story of this game (again due to multiple endings), you could create a new story that takes place in the same setting.

None of these except Diablo is ever likely to get it's well deserved and much needed sequel, but I can only hope.

The Drawing of the Dark

What do mythological creatures, king Aurthur,vikings, Suleiman, and a drunk Irish landsneckt have in common, well for one thing they all are featured in a hidden gem of a book called the Drawing of the Dark, which despite it's stereotypical sounding name for fantasy, is the one of the most unique and certainly one of the best books I have ever read.

The story goes something like this;It is the year 1500-something and Brian Duffy an Irish Landsneckt (a mercenary, for those dolts who can't even tell you what the holy roman empire was) gets steaming drunk in the streets of Venice and up fighting, and kicking the asses of of three nobles who's father he called 'the bastard pimp of Suleiman. a passing.........( well at first you don't know what the hell he is, but it is important to the story so spoiler alert) sorcerer, called Aureleanis, who wants Duffy to be the bouncer for a tavern recently converted from a monastery famous for brewing
Herzwesten (western heart) beer in Vienna, Duffy accepts this at an unusually high pay rate. so he travels north to Vienna along the way encountering bandits, demons, Dwarves, and a hunchbacked swiss artillery officer. upon arriving things get even weirder, he defends the brewery and the so called king of the west against the turks who mean to destroy it and therefore wipe out the western world, and he does it mostly drunk.

This book is truly great; It combines great story telling, witty (and not so much) humor, memorable characters, and
it combines the best elements of all western mythology to create a completely interesting explanation for the western world (I'll give you a hint it has something to do with Fin Mac Cool and beer). If you have never seen this book find it and read it, for the drawing of the dark is a one of a kind read.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Kittens!?!?

Following the abandonment of two kittens on our porch by a local barn cat, we quickly 'adopted them' and soon things went to the kitten side of things.

the first of said plump, insane kittens is a calico of gray, orange, and white known as gremlin, It is the most psychotic of the bunch; constantly clawing everything up. Then there is 'Chalupa' a barn cat that looks remarkably like a 'poofy' Siamese it is far more laid back than the psycho-kitten called Gremlin, but compared to that one the Tasmanian devil seems calm. so on to the first of my 'kitten tails'; my first encounter of the kitten-kind occurred yesterday when I was arbitrarily chosen to construct the holding cell for the kittens, unfortunately the box I chose was not high enough to ensure kitten keeping potential, so I taped the flaps up to stop a potential jail break; the second the porcine rat heard the tape unwinding the bolted across a room with a fair covering of nails, hand tools, and various other tetanus inducing objects, needles to say this resulted in several wounds to my feet. When The kittens were finally detained, they stared muling I, the 'expert pet care technician' that I am had no idea what these hell spawn wanted, they each had devoured a can of wet cat food apiece (easily as much as they 'used' to weigh) they continued this well past midnight . Today the the kittens were 'paying' on the couch whilst I was lying there, and the demonic badgers that they are, began burrowing into the back of the couch , it took several minutes to recover one, but the second one was lost for much longer and it was accompanied with cries of "you lost the kitten" in a joking manner, we had to it the couch over and remove the bottom to recover the muling spawn of our barn cat "spud".

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Iron Man

I watched Iron man on mother's day with my mother, I know awesome mothers day right, and it can be described as one thing: Epic.

First in my trademark reviewing process I will complain first. well, all I can say is that i don't believe political messages and entertainment should mix, though Iron Man was not particularly political as Hollywood film-making goes; it still left a sour taste in my mouth. well I can't think of any other complaints except the 'I-world' vision of the future and why would he reveal himself, I mean c'mon he is the most pathetic superhero outside of the suit, so why would he put himself at such a risk, even the chances of people sueing him for damages are huge. So without-to-do: here's what I liked.

Iron Man was truly a good movie, acting was great, production values were great, and the technology (minus the arc-reactor) was realistic and obtainable. also here's an enjoyable tidbit of information the actor that played Stark, was like stark at the beginning of the movie, but by now he has made a turn around, not quite as extraordinary as Iron Man, but Interesting none-the -less. Also for once there was a truly despicable Bad guy not like lex (the weakling who wants revenge) ,the green goblin (a misguided druggy, with two personalities)or the Joker (stab you in the nuts lunicidal{insane, homicidal, somewhat funny}) but a perfectly sane man willing to sell out every thing (friends, country, followers) every thing for a quick buck (kind of like an 'E-Bayer' who went totally overboard), he may have been despicable but he was to much of a political statement for me. Over all this one is a must see, rent, and buy.


Lunicidal- Loon-ie-cide-al- the act of being completely insane, homicidal, and somewhat humorous

Saturday, May 10, 2008

WTF! 4th Edition

D&D 4th edition promises to do alot to take away from the d&d experience; for one thing, they have eliminated 2 key classes, the bard, some people like playing as a Tom Bombadil loook alike, or manipulating the class to be more like an Olmsford with the wish song(me), and the barbarian, I mean c'mon it's a classic, who doesn't like going 'Conan' on your foes *ss*s and leaving a trail of severed body part were ever you go. Then there is their self-righteous 'improvement of combat' by leveling monsters down to improve 'flexibility', or 'redesigning' the mechanics of certain monsters act more like themselves, WTF! 4th ed. do you think that DM's are idiots or do you want to make the 'throne' of the DM accessible to the average nitwit, if it is the later your a bunch of greedy bastard wizards (of the coast), and if it's the former I'll fire bomb your new head quarters! so were was I; ah the race changes: The addition of the Teifling was just a poor choice by wizard, due primarily to the fact that Teiflings are an uncommon race and the player races should represent the most common 'civilized' races in the d&d universe, and Teiflings should not be common unless 'fornicating' with extra-planar evil beings is a common thing, which it hopefully is not. Then there is the addition of Dragon born, which my only objection to it is the same as the former (not common enough) unless you adjust your campaign setting accordingly, and that I have already created a similar looking race and acting race of endothermic humanoid reptiles for my campaign setting. but in a totally different direction along the line of races I am 'Incredibly' happy that they finally did away with gnomes a player race (though I did that months ago for my games). Another thing that I have to say 'finaly' on is the Halfling background being changed to peaceable river folk, rather that clans of midget gypsies, though I hope they correct their horrible mistake on a Halfling's looks Halflings are short plump folk with overly large and hairy feet (think hobbits, since that is what they are) not perfectly statuesque ethnic midgets. They also are removing all the sub-races in many cases considering them mere social differentiations of the same race, wow! WTF! Has 4th Edition gone completely liberal forsaking that races have different innate abilities, c'mon think for a second an elf that has been raised in a High Elven city is going to have different abilities than an elf that was raised in the nomadic life style of a Wood Elf, even if they are genetically identical (which i doubt they are), they are going to be different, and these differences are represented through the stat and ability changes. Finaly I am nearing the end of my complaints, The 4th Edition has decided that it will change it's cosmology 'Again' to a 'sea' instead of a 'wheel', yet another example of liberalism; here what seems to be going on they decided they didn't like that alot of plane where classified as minor planes so with this 'sea' all the planes are going to be like crappy little islands floating in the the astral plane, see no difference they are all equal, Bah! My belief is that the wheel is how they chose to represent it because it shows the players perspective on the planes (their plane is the most important and the center of their personal universe) in comparisons to other planes, or maybe I'm insane and they think their players where too 'Neanderthal-esque' to figure out the principle of a wheel. So thats it, 'you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here'.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Zero Punctuation

If you have never watched Ben "yahtzee" rant psychotically on zero punctuation, or seen anything else by him: you should, sure he may hurt your feelings with his reveiws, that is if your the lapdog of reveiwers.

First of all: the complaints, as always............... um................. well i guess some times he pisses people (not me) off.

Now what i like; he is completely mad, in a good way, he is honest in his reveiws (even though it may seem that he is taking cheap shots), finally he is genuinely funny; his wit is fresh, he uses verbal/visual puns, and dishes out plenty of verbal abuse.

over all he is great, though you should not use him as your only source for reveiws, though he should always be 'a' source, because he always points out every single flaw in a game.

you can find Yahtzee's Zero punctuation series at http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation
and any thing else by him at www.fullyramblomatic.com.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Del Torro to direct The Hobbit

WTF is this "Mexican-born filmmaker Guillermo del Toro has been named as the director of the film version of JRR Tolkien's The Hobbit and its proposed sequel" f' you Del Torro! Why Del Torro! what imbecile was put in charge of of choosing director! I'm the first to say I've hated every movie he has directed, so what idiot chose him to direct this movie with such great potential! You have to know he is going to change the setting the modern day, change Bilbo into some crazy obese guy who thinks he is going on an adventure but is actually walking down a hall to a firing squad in a Mexican jail then with his "childlike sense of wonder" he'll wonder why he's number one on the hit list of every geek on earth, even if he dosn't do this, or better yet not truly chosen director, this thought has ruined my entire morning! so f*** you Del Torro! I hope this means alot to you!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Unforgotten Realms: The Remake

If you are a true fan you already know about the greatest D&D parody of all time Unforgotten Realms, you may not know that they remade the first episode last month if you want to you can Watch the first episode now.

Dogmeat has returned

About 2 days ago I heard that Fallout 3 would feature the old jugular tearing, Immortal (seemingly), Vault-dweller's best friend, and fallout favorite Dogmeat has returned to the joy of fallout fans (including myself).


Dogmeat & the new Vault-Dweller

Though I am happy at Dogmeat's return I have a few burning questions 1. If it is the original Dogmeat how old must he be? somewhere around 60 years old. 2. How did he get to the east coast (i know he had 30 years so why?)? 3. Is it a cameo appearance of the original or a new Dogmeat? I'll never know (dogs can't speak, and developers have sealed lips)but I do wonder...

Review: Bioshock (a fun romp through a strange steampunk land)

Bioshock can best be defined as a fist person romp through an underwater-steampunk-utopia that has a major problem with its in habitants mutating themselves, going insane, and trying to eat little girls. So with this little summary in mind lets get to the meat of this review.

The story of the game goes something like this: you (a nameless-faceless-dork whose only distinguishing trait is a couple of chain tattoos on his wrists, or maybe he is just a pair of disembodied arms, who cares) survive a plane crash somewhere in the north Atlantic, you swim through the wreckage to a, well I really don't know what it is, maybe it's a light house, any way you swim to it and climb up a stair case through the door only to be greeted by darkness then the lights come on, only intensifying the already creepy atmosphere, you, being the idiot that you are; go wandering around the place until find a Submersible, again the idiot that is you climbs inside and pulls a lever labeled controls the pod descents into the murky but remarkably shallow depths of Rapture, figuratively and literally.

First off, all that is bad with Bioshock, the scary atmosphere that you would think would last the entirety of the game ends roughly about the time you find your first vending machine screaming "welcome to the circus of value!" (roughly twenty minutes in) of course those severe cases of cloulrophobia (fear of clowns) or white-coat hypertension would disagree with this statement for the vending machine is right next to the medical pavilion. Second The game is to Friggin' easy; roughly from the time when you obtain you first plasmid, a gene altering substance that gives you powers like shocking people , hence the "Bio" and "Shock", later in the game you can kill just about anything with your godlike powers, there is also to many "vit-a-chambers" (revival stations) I personally never died but if I some how get myself up with 10 grenades (thats what it takes) or just stood their and let a Big Daddy pound me for half an hour I wouldn't lose more than ten minutes(minus the time it takes to die) of progress, and the shear power of you plasmids and the lack of splicers having mastery of them just makes them all fodder. third is the game's obsession of doing strange things to little girls, it's a wonder that splicers and the "nameless-faceless-dork" have not atracted dateline 20/20's attention, or maybe the Big Daddies are all Chris Hanson clones:



But enough complaining here is what makes the game worth buying, even playing on an old 24 inch tv the game is beautiful, despite the blatant lack of scariness it maintained a creepy atmosphere throughout the game, It has a calculable chance of diving you insane (temporarily, happened to me), above all the game is original and fun, FUN!

Over all 52 pickles; the game and I, are insane and I don't feel like using up one f-ing hour of my life just so you can skip the well written review to the score.